As many of you already know, I have a forum on my website at MadHookUp.com. And the people on my forum have known each other for many years, so it was decided that we hold a meet in Chester Springs, Pa! The out of staters include…
Carl – Washington State
Pubs – B.C. Canada
Noel and Amber – Detroit
Anthony – New York
Cane – Arkansas
Durine – Boston
Pubs was the first to arrive in Pa. Being from Canada, running water and electricity is quite rare, so here you see him playing on Jenn’s computer. He said he normally uses a hand crank to keep his computer running. At the time he was taking this picture he said, “I am not slow… I am from Canda eh?”
Here is Pete and Noel
It’s friday night and I have several drinks in me. I am not sure how the topic of conversation came up, but we were talking about the guy in Washington that paid a farmer to let his horse fuck him. Well the guy died from the horse fucking, so I drew a picture.
But my buzz didn’t last long. Ohhh no it didnt! Well it seems the 800 pound Durine got a little sick after 4 drinks. Its 10:11pm at this time, and the party pretty much just started. It was amazing that someone could get drunk to the point of throwing up just after 4 drinks, and before 11pm, but Durine was able to. It started off with Durine laying on my couch with 15 or so people over. So I politely ask him to move his fat ass so other people may sit down. At this point he spews on my couch. I look over to see a very small spot of throw up on my couch. So I run to grab a trash can. While getting the trash can the following happened…
1.) Paul gives Durine a cup to throw up in.
2.) Durine fills the cup
3.) Durine spills the cup on my couch
As I reach my couch with the trashcan, I am unaware of all these things that just happened. All I see is Durine RUBBING my pillow into the couch. I had no clue at this point that he spilled a cup of vomit on it. Well after rubbing the pillow in the vomit for 10 or so seconds, he lifts it in the air to show me the damage. Now the picture below shows my instant reaction to what Durine just did. This picture is priceless for a couple reasons. Though you may not see it in this picture, I was cocked back and ready to punch Durine’s teeth in, but I some how controlled my urge. You will also notice that Durine is EATING THE VOMIT OFF OF HIS HAND! Since it wasn’t recorded, I will type out the dialogue during this picture.
Ryan: “YOU FAT FUCK. YOU FAT MOTHER FUCKING PIECE OF SHIT. YOU STUPID FAT FUCKING MOTHER FUCKER. OH MY FUCKING GOD I AM GOING TO BEAT THE FAT OFF YOUR FAT MOTHER FUCKING ASS!!!!!!!!” – Short Version
Durine: “Can I have a towel?”
Ryan: “GET YOUR FAT FUCKING ASS UPSTAIRS IN THE BATHROOM YOU FAT FUCK”
Durine: “If it makes you feel better Ryan, I feel much better now”
***Ok, need to use your imagination here. I take my two hands and spread them apart as if I am trying to give a visual image of a scale***
Ryan: “Do you see this? This is Ryan’s Scale of Caring. Here is my couch (ranked high on the scale), here is my pillow (ranked very low on the scale) and here is your FUCKING FEELINGS!!! (below the pillow). I DONT GIVE A SHIT ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS, GET TO THE FUCKING BATHROOM YOU FAT MOTHER FUCKER!!!
No one can really understand what Durine was thinking when he decided to lay on my couch and throw up. He literally threw up like 20 seconds after laying down, so he knew he wasnt feeling well. We still dont know why he didnt throw up on the table that was 2 inches from the couch, and we dont know why he rubbed my pillow in his vomit. But here you can see the damage…
As you can see from this picture, the party goes from fun to awkward. Here you see the picture of 3 brave men. Anthony, Cane, and Pubs. Why are they brave? Well Durine didnt feel that he ruined the party enough… read on and find out what he did next!
I wasn’t here for this picture, Noel and I were outside trying to clean my couch cushion, and throwing away the pillow. At least Paul was having fun. Kristen (his wife) is to the right.
Here is Amber patiently waiting for her husband to come back from vomit duty.
Pubs being himself.
Cane looks a just a little tired
Noel and I just entered the room here. I have my tounge in my cheek, so that explains the goofy face. Pubs is still doing the “Gay Canadian Point” stance.
Now you get to find out all the other great things Durine did during his short stay at my house! Prior to barfing all over my couch, Jenn spent a lot of money and time making food for the party. She bought 300 pigs in a blanket and hand rolled them. Well after bringing out a couple trays someone asked me if they could feed my dog any. I told everyone not to give my dog any since he gets sick when eating any people food. At this point Durine gives about 20 of them to my dog, laughs, and brags about it…. Yes… he was proud that he wasted all that food to make my dog sick. I heard about this after the fact. If I saw him do that, I probably would have beaten the shit out of him at that point alone.
About 45 minutes has passed since this upcomming picture. Durine was upstairs in my bathroom vomiting even more. After pleading with him to throw up in the toilet, he decides to vomit only in the sink. Just to give you an idea how far away the sink is from the toilet… his ass is touching the toilet while his face is in the sink!!! ITS THAT FUCKING CLOSE. Like the pillow, NO ONE HAS ANY FUCKING CLUE WHY HE WOULDNT VOMIT IN THE SINK.
But wait… its gets better my friends! Durine finally passes out on my floor after filling my sink with vomit. I am so disgusted at this point, I dont want to even go upstairs to see the damage. So Pubs decides to make the trip, and comes downstairs to announce that Durine has filled my sink with vomit. And there are hot dogs all over. According to Pubs, Durine threw up full sized hot dogs as if they were swallowed whole.
Remember those 3 brave souls I told you about? Well they decided to go up and clean the bathroom for me. My cousin Anthony begins to empty the sink of all the vomit and chunks one cup at a time. As he finally got torward the drain he realized something. Durine thought it would be a good idea to take the plug out of the sink to make sure ALL the pieces of hot dogs were stuffed down the drain. Why on earth anyone would do something this fucking retarded is beyond me. But after the night I am having, I realize that Durine does nothing but retarded shit, so I shouldnt be surprised. Hell, this is the same guy that swallowed his own cum. Anyway! My cousin, Cane, and Pubs had to take the pipes apart underneath the sink and scoop out the vomit with their hands. After some time of doing this, and using a coat hanger, they give up. The sink is clogged, and they cant get anymore out. When I hear this news, we start trying to plan our revenge on Durine…
Pubs writes Cum Guzzler on his leg
When Durine fell to the ground, his fat burst through his pants leaving a nice sized hole.
Pubs drew some sperm on his foot
Now our 3 heroes want revenge for having to clean up after Durine. The only thing Durine didnt do that night, was shit in his hand and wipe it all over my walls. So with some Duct Tape and rope, they try to tie him up. But since he pretty much threw up his 4 drinks and his last 15 meals, he was too sober to hog tie.
Since we werent able to tie him up, we figure that we might be able to let him sleep a little, and hopefully get our revenge later, so we try to make plans on the dry erase board.
Basically we were going to cut his shirt off, and then draw a bra and nipple tassles on his breasts and some other funny things on his face. But we never were able to do it.
Last picture of Friday night has Paul, Kristen, and Cane relaxing.
Saturday afternoon begins! Here you see Paul, Carl, and Durine. Notice that Durine is not allowed to drink, so you wont be seeing any alcohol in his hands for the rest of these pictures.
Here is Noel and his wife Amber
Pubs is now explaining how he is considered smart in Canada. And that he is a member of M.E.S.A. And no, that isnt a typo.
Thats me and my other dog Jake.
Rudolph/Corsten shows up with the worst outfit on earth.
Saturday Night Party Begins! Here you see Cane, Paul, Anthony, and Noel doing car bombs
I am doing my car bomb solo. I would have done one with the group but Leo punched me in the balls and I was laying on the floor.
I am very drunk…
Ok, now I am trashed. The Rangers game was playing in the background and I had the flyer fans making fun of me. So I quickly run up stairs and grab 11 or so Ranger jerseys. Since Jenn was willing to wear one, she was awarded with a hug.
To spite the Flyer fans in the rooms I started passing out Ranger jerseys to everyone that doesnt hate them. Anthony is an actual Rangers fan, so I gave him Messier. Noel got my Authentic Gretzky jersey.
Picture of Hoffman/Durine/Carl/Jenn
Can you say Down Syndrome? Look at those fucking eyes!
Leo is now wearing my Lafontaine jersey, and Pubs is wearing my 3rd Gretzky jersey.
Anthony, Leo, Noel
Jenn is sporting Kovalev
I am drunk and in possession of the camera…
I told Jenn that I wanted a picture with her smiling in a Rangers jersey. I already promissed her Olive Garden for putting it on. It wont be easy getting her to smile with it on, so I will have to make her laugh.
When I am drunk, I wrestle my dog
Still not smiling…
Hoffman has to leave…
Still not smiling. I thought if I covered her with the jerseys that people weren’t wearing she might smile..
Durine and Carl again. Notice how Durine isnt drinking
Still not smiling….
Getting closer…
My dog Chance knocks my drunk ass down, and I got a laugh from her!
wtf? smile already!
Seems I am holding the camera upside down. But this is me and Pete
Woot! Got my smile!
Everyone with a Rangers jersey took a group photo
High 5s!
Jenn and Pete. Pete is using me as a foot rest.
Noel begins to rape me…
Cane wants in on the jerseys, so he grabs my Graves jersey
Leo is now grinding Cane…
Leo, Cane, Paul
Amber puts a jersey on!
So we now need an upgraded Rangers group photo!
Cane sticking his tounge in my girlfriends ear.
Is this car bomb 4? 5? … 6?
Leo, Cane, and Noel. I am somewhere mixed in with that man sandwich. You can see parts of me between Leo and Cane.
Round 2 with Chance
The fools try to tie me up! But I am not Durine, and I can still function after drinking. I fend off my attackers. Chance is protecting me as well. Notice Jenn’s teal shorts…
I am lying on the ground now. Leo mounts my crotch, and Noel sits on my face. Though it might look as if I did… my toungue DID NOT touch his crotch. My favorite part of the picture is Leo going up for the high 5.
Remember those teal shorts? They are on my head now. Jenn was smart though. She knows that when I get drunk I like to remove her clothes, so she is wearing a bathing suit underneath.
I lost round 3
Chance loves beer. Especially rolling rock.
I thought it was important the people see my dog’s taint.
Paul’s brother Steve shows up. Since Me, Leo, and Jenn are in love with him, we begin to rape him before he can even get his jacket off.
Steve and Paul
Kristen and Paul
After a 3 round fight, Chance and I make up.
I am totally wrecked at this point. I think its around 1am and I decide that I wanted to make a “Wham – Wake Me Up Before You Go Go” CD
I put the CD in my Stereo and I turn it all the way up. Now keep in mind this is no normal stereo people! This is a 2200 dollar Polk System with a 12″ sub! Well everyone is now forced to listen George Michael at full volume, and they tell me to turn it down. They were concerned my parents would wake up. So I did what any normal person would have done… I climbed over my sub and turned it all the way up so the pictures would fall off the walls downstairs.
This pissed off my Mom since she was trying to spend time with my aunt. She came down with my cousin. So I am now arguing with my mother, and trying to explain to her how she really doesnt know me, and that I am just trying to do the Jitter Bug.
I dont think the camera really picked up on all the fun we had this weekend, but I cannot wait to do it again! Thanks to everyone who came! Some of the things that were missed…
1.) We played Win, Lose, or Draw. 2 teams of 8 or so people. Leo and I were designated shit talkers for their teams. Pubs drew a cock, and someone imediately picked up on it being “coming.” I got the phrase “Fat Cat.” Instead of trying to draw a fat person I pointed at Durine and my team guessed it instantly. The other team said that was cheating. I dont think it was!
2.) I woke up at 6am Saturday morning to find Leo sleeping in my computer chair
3.) I spent 20 minutes with a plunger trying to unclog my sink. All while watching vomit chunks flying all over my bathroom.
4.) My aunt and cousin doing car bombs in nasty, curdled, used car bomb glasses and shot glasses.
5.) Kristen(130 pounds) LIGHTLY pushes durine and he falls to the ground like he was shot. I am still amazed he didnt fall through the floor. While falling to the ground he broke my exercise bike. He also spilled his drink in my brand new 40 dollar mouse. Between the Bike, Mouse, and Pillow, it cost around 160 dollars in just Durine Damage.
6.) Getting Pubs to say, “I wrote a book about a boat.” It sounds more like… “I wrote a booook aboot a bowt, eh?”
7.) Pubs claiming that he was a member of MESA since he is so smart. Then being told it is actually MENSA.